My Brother the Critic
I asked my brother to critique one of my essays the other day for school and I thought what he wrote was a little harsh...but also a little funny. He used track changes allowing him type directly on my paper. I didn't copy and paste all the comments he made, because they were ten times more harsh, but have decided to let you in on his ending comments. This is literally what he wrote, copied and pasted:Good story but it has nothing to do with the prompt. You did not display how you changing anything makes you a better person. You do hint at it though but never say it. You certainly never say why this experience is also going to enrich your life in college. You need to phrase your sentences where you don’t need to use so many commas. What that shows is that you can not decide on what to say which in turn shows that you are either indecisive or scatter brained….you choose your favorite. Lists are ok, but not when you have one every other sentence. It’s, how do you say, annoying. It needs a lot of work.
Nooooooooooo moooooooooooooore
Cooooooommmmmmmmaaaaaaaassssss
Nooooooooo moooooooorrrrrreeeee
llllllliiiiiiiissssssssttttttttssssss.
And if you forget everything I tell you, when you are writing, remember me in the back of your conscience telling your to cut the crap. ok. Just cut it!!!!!! You have a lot of caca in there that no one cares about.
posted by Becca @ 7:39 PM
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